The Power Donut and the Glory
It's a hairstyle, man
Years ago, when we were still in the aughts and indie sleaze was just life in ye olde Brooklyn, there was a GQ article that caught my eye. I probably read it on my Google Reader (RIP), but it stuck with me in a way I can’t say many articles from those wild times when magazines were really into doing whatever while they tried to figure out the Internet. “Bring Back the Power Donut!” is, in my mind, one of those time capsule articles from right around or maybe even before #menswear became a thing, when people who are popular on Instagram today had Blogspot blogs that I know they deleted out of embarrassment, hell, it was around the first big “J. Crew is back, baby!” before this current one we’re living through. We’re all better people now, but maybe we’re also a little too self-conscious. It’s difficult for me to see anybody saying that the “ring of unshaved hair that clings to a balding man’s pate” needed to make a comeback besides, well, me.
First, I’ll say right off the bat that the power donut is not for everybody. I don’t know if it’s for me. I’ve tried it and I couldn’t pull it off. And that’s really the first rule of the donut: If you aren’t feeling it, it ain’t for you.
The second rule is sometimes you age into it, and other times you grow out. Stanley Tucci is one of my favorite examples of this. He never went full P.D. as far as I know (but please let me know if I’m wrong). Instead, he let it thin out on top and sort of combed it back as long as he could, waiting out the inevitable moment when whatever he could hold onto atop his head was no more. That’s when he started to Bic it and I honestly think we’re all the better for it. Certain guys can shave it clean and it looks incredible. Tucci, Michael Jordan, The Rock, Taye Diggs and other clean-headed gentlemen have made an art of the razor-shaved dome. Shaving your entire head takes a little work, you need to know if you want the razor for the whole thing or maybe use 1/2 clippers on your head and leave some shadow on the sides. Other factors, like face shape and whether you’re a beardo or not also come into play. In the case of Brian Eno, the power donut worked for him in the ‘80s when he was producing U2 and making ambient albums for you to chill to while you waited to get on your airplane. It was smart, it was a little weird, and a small statement, but not a big one. Nothing too crazy. It was basically very Brian Eno.
But as Brian Peter George St John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno (yes, that’s his full name) aged, he decided the P.D. was not for him. I haven’t figured out exactly when that was, but I noticed the further his work with Roxy Music his more art rock solo albums started receding into view and he started concentrating on other projects beyond just solo albums (installations, the Windows 95 startup sound, etc.), so to did the razor recede further across his skull. I know that sounds way too metal for describing anything Eno, but you know what I mean. He went full bald and always wore glasses. He looks great. Maybe he knows Tucci. Maybe they share bald tips.
The current king of kings when it comes to the P.D. is probably obvious. Honestly, I think Larry David has done as much for the power donut as he has got people to accept that some Jews are just cranky and if you embrace our crankiness, it’s actually pretty hilarious. But David’s P.D. does allow me to explore another interesting piece of the puzzle, and that is the guy who just wants to keep something on his head. Maybe he tried shaving it and thought it looked awful. Maybe, like his Seinfeld stand-in George Costanza, he tried a toupee and thought it was, in the words of Jerry, stupid. I don’t know how Larry arrived at the power donut, but as far as I’ve been able to tell, the evolution (or de-evolution, I suppose) is easy to find in pictures. Younger Larry famously had a Jewfro. Now, if you’ve ever seen a full head of very naturally curly Ashkenazi locks, you know that you could hide many secrets, possibly a forest creature, maybe half a sandwich in there. Some Jewfros, however, are vehicles of denial. I get the feeling that Larry’s was that. Why else would you think that little bit in front makes sense to keep?
It’s hard to say when and why Larry went Power Donut. To be fair, the Jewfro did have its moment (Art Garfunkel, Superman-era Streisand), and it has had a few champions in recent times like Seth Rogen when he was one of the people you only knew from the Freaks and Geeks cast, but for the most part, it’s a thing of the past. The Jewfro trying to cover up a receding hairline is an especially rare thing given the rise of hair-growing products and all the smart Seths and Michaels saving their bar mitzvah money for hair plugs they will likely need in a few years.
As I said, the power donut is certainly not for all. I’m not making any grand proclamations that it will make a comeback or that people with full heads of hair will start rocking power donuts despite not having to (although, Jared Leto seems fond of them). What I want is for them to be an option again. They’re powerful when done right, that’s why it’s the power donut. It’s not the chill donut or the cool donut. It’s a powerful look, a powerful energy. You rock a power donut with panache, then you, my friend, are an icon and I salute you.
To both pay tribute and document the greatness of the power donut, I’ve taken to Instagram with the Power Donut Hall of Fame. I’m looking for submissions. Send them to me via DM on there or to jasondiamondmelt@gmail.com, and please follow along as I try to restore the power donut to its place of glory.